Post partum depression

Turned out that it wasn't just baby blues, but an actual depression. It got progressively worse and I started getting panic attacks in the mornings. I called my doctor who gave me a prescription for a low dose anti-depressants. The day after it got so bad that I didn't know what to do. I called my doctor again and they recommended us to go to the ER. So we did. I felt so bad for feeling bad when I was supposed to be happier than ever. They admitted me and put me on a 48 hour hold. They did not give me anything for the anxiety and I was so tired by the time I finally got a bed, I almost passed out right away from pure emotional exhaustion. It wasn't quite Shady Acres, but not far from it. People in there were really crazy... I got some sleep though and next morning I got to see the good doctor. He doubled the dose of the anti-depressants and diagnosed me with post partum depression. After seeing the doctor I got to partake in Occupational Therapy. Arts and crafts in other words.. I made a bracelet, like a good patient. Then some meeting with the other loonies. 'One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest' anyone? Everyone was real nice, but it got a little annoying with the safety precautions, no strings, no personal belongings and so on. Kel and Ella came to visit me and I felt a lot better! I was really sad when they had to leave. I went to take a nap and when I woke up, the lady in the next bed was gone... Don't know where she went..
Next day meant that the 48 hours would be up! I was really eager to get out of there before I got really crazy! Kel and Ella came in time for the meeting with the doctor and the nurses and social workers and the whole shebang. Needless to say, I was stoked to leave! I was so proud of Kel for stepping up and becoming superDad just like that! Such a relief to know that we really do share the responsiblity! Instead of just going back home we decided to go for a drive. We drove up to Ulupalakua and the winery. It is so gorgeous up there, halfway up the volcano. We decided to keep driving after that and drove the backside of the volcano to Hana. Since I am now on medication I had to stop breastfeeding, which I am a little sad about of course. But with no feeding, my boobs felt like they would explode! Luckily they didn't, and we found a place where I could plug in my pump and relieve the pressure.. We had a stellar day and Ella made it to our fave waterfall where Daddy went for a swim. Ella was a happy camper all day! It was a wonderful day!
I am not completely back to normal yet, but well on my way. Thank you all for all the positive thoughts! I wanted to let you know that everything is alright, I suppose I had a lot of people worried.